The Plebian

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Q & A: 2009 Stimulus Checks

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At a date to be later announced, most Americans will get a stimulus payment (remember last June, woot woot) with the intention to help stablize our economy. I could not be more excited and decided to conduct a hypothetical Q and A to help explain its implications.

Q. What is a stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the American government will send to citizens.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From its citizens

Q. Does this mean I am borrowing the money from myself? How is that possible?
A. The American government is borrowing money mostly from the Chinese.

Q. So what will I owe the Chinese?

A.  Nothing.  Let your children figure that one out.

Q. Ok.  So why do we need this stimulus payment?
A. To get you to spend more money you don’t have.

Q.  And how is that going to help?

A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a HDTV or Playstation.

Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?
A. You think too much.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs and Al Queda.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico.
If you buy a car it will go to Japan and Korea.
If you purchase prescription drugs it will go to India.
If you purchase heroin it will go to the Taliban in Afghanistan
If you give it to a charitable cause, it will go to Nigeria.

And none of it will help the American economy. We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic only), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.


One Response

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  1. Wow this is funny and informative.
    I will keep in mind how to spend my
    check if i get one. thanks for
    the great info it was humerous.


    February 17, 2009 at 3:29 pm

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